Work is not a good place to be right now. The short version is that we've been saddled with a very top down plan by a new Big Cheese who apparently doesn't remember the realities of desk level work. It is literally impossible to do our jobs, as the volume of work daily far exceeds the time available and there is no opportunity to gain ground unless you work far more hours than anyone is likely to work. A lot of people tried working extra hours, only to find that they were simply falling behind at a slower rate, so they simply gave up.
One of the arguments we've heard a lot lately from management is that this isn't necessarily a 40 hour/week job. I see the point, and have no problem with having to work some extra time to get over a temporary overload, but when you lose ground on even the lightest days, you've got to wonder what sort of estimated work hours they're using in their calculations. This is usually the lightest time of year, so what happens when things get really busy?
Not to mention that we still have the same number of people total doing the work, so this new method is demonstrably less effective than what we were doing before. How is this better?
So keeping my mental balance is more important than ever before. My meditation practice was slacking for a while under the pressure, as I was having trouble sleeping due to the stress and needed the sleep more than the meditation. I had to learn to let go of the anger and remember to play the long game here. My mental fortitude has to outlast Big Cheese's willingness to put up with bad results. I've done well enough for the last week after losing my balance for a while.
One of my books nailed it, reminding me to do my best and forget about results. I'd predicted before any of this started that the true crash wouldn't come until April or May, so this is going to take time.
Showing posts with label spiritual. Show all posts
Showing posts with label spiritual. Show all posts
Sunday, January 13, 2013
Monday, September 03, 2012
Frowny
I've recently heard that a good friend of mine has passed away unexpectedly. This is so hard on so many levels.
We knew each other going back to our junior year of high school. We were both part of a relatively large circle of friends and gravitated to each other for whatever reason, eventually spending a fair amount of time together. We weren't best friends, but I'd say we were close. For a short time we dated a pair of girls who were also close friends, so we had quite the happy foursome there for a while. He also ran lights for my first band for several months. After he stopped working for the band, we each had our own lives going and only occasionally spent time together in person, but we at least stayed in touch. Eventually, he ran into some serious health issues due to a work accident and couldn't leave the house much, so a couple of times a year, I would make a point of visiting him and spending at least a couple of hours just hanging out and talking.
His name was Todd, but almost everyone called him Frowny, an abbreviated version of his last name. It was ironic in that he was one of the most cheerful people I knew. He was very well liked in our circle, primarily because he was one of the most fundamentally kind people we knew. Even when he was angry with someone, revenge wouldn't have been his style; he'd just keep his distance from that person in the future. Our circle of friends was large enough that we'd often divide into sub-groups, and he was welcome in all of them, as well as having friends outside that particular circle.
Another distinguishing characteristic is that he was one of the most creative people I know in his way. He once told me that he envied those of us who were able to write stories or songs, or perform in some way, because that was something he couldn't do. And yet he had his own remarkable form of creativity. He was good at building things. It was more than just manual labor; he would identify what was needed and often found surprising solutions to the problems presented to him. He could make people laugh with the sheer ingenuity of his approach. His home is set up with a computer network that would be the envy of a small company, and perfectly adjusted to the needs of every member of the family.
I think what brought us together is that we were both young men who simply spent a lot of time thinking about things. We were able to talk about life in a depth that didn't interest most people. We both enjoyed games (Risk was a mutual favorite), but the conversation and time spent together were more important. One significant difference between us is that he was always the stable one and I was the more volatile personality during our high school days. Even then, he had a more mature, sensible viewpoint than most people our age. I was often struggling with depression or some other high school drama, and was always able to turn to him for the best advice. Even in our adult lives, after I've worked my way to a greater balance, he was still one of my go-to advisers when I was really stuck about a problem.
Not surprisingly, he eventually married his female counterpart in our circle of friends, and they've had three great kids together. Most people seem to think their own kids are great, but theirs really are. Their kids are everything they are: intelligent, kind, and polite. I think it helped that Frowny was able to spend so much of their early years with them because his health problems kept him at home. It also made the kids mature beyond their years because they had to learn to be careful about certain things, lest they make Dad's health problems worse by accident.
Many of my best stories in life were shared with him: the time police falsely and hilariously accused us (and one other guy) of armed robbery, my first band's most decadent weekend ever, and my mom getting into the car with us and our girlfriends in front of my house one night. Unfortunately, the nature of all of those stories is that I won't be able to share them with his kids for several years yet.
I will be eternally grateful that I spent an afternoon in his company only a week and a half before he passed away. He seemed to be okay, maybe a little worn down, but I chalked it up to him just having a bad day. I certainly didn't expect that to be the last time I'd ever see him. I'm grateful to have had the privilege of his friendship. I've had to learn kindness (often from him), where kindness was his first instinct. He was very much the person I aspire to be in many ways, and I can't begin to say how much I'm going to miss him.
We knew each other going back to our junior year of high school. We were both part of a relatively large circle of friends and gravitated to each other for whatever reason, eventually spending a fair amount of time together. We weren't best friends, but I'd say we were close. For a short time we dated a pair of girls who were also close friends, so we had quite the happy foursome there for a while. He also ran lights for my first band for several months. After he stopped working for the band, we each had our own lives going and only occasionally spent time together in person, but we at least stayed in touch. Eventually, he ran into some serious health issues due to a work accident and couldn't leave the house much, so a couple of times a year, I would make a point of visiting him and spending at least a couple of hours just hanging out and talking.
His name was Todd, but almost everyone called him Frowny, an abbreviated version of his last name. It was ironic in that he was one of the most cheerful people I knew. He was very well liked in our circle, primarily because he was one of the most fundamentally kind people we knew. Even when he was angry with someone, revenge wouldn't have been his style; he'd just keep his distance from that person in the future. Our circle of friends was large enough that we'd often divide into sub-groups, and he was welcome in all of them, as well as having friends outside that particular circle.
Another distinguishing characteristic is that he was one of the most creative people I know in his way. He once told me that he envied those of us who were able to write stories or songs, or perform in some way, because that was something he couldn't do. And yet he had his own remarkable form of creativity. He was good at building things. It was more than just manual labor; he would identify what was needed and often found surprising solutions to the problems presented to him. He could make people laugh with the sheer ingenuity of his approach. His home is set up with a computer network that would be the envy of a small company, and perfectly adjusted to the needs of every member of the family.
I think what brought us together is that we were both young men who simply spent a lot of time thinking about things. We were able to talk about life in a depth that didn't interest most people. We both enjoyed games (Risk was a mutual favorite), but the conversation and time spent together were more important. One significant difference between us is that he was always the stable one and I was the more volatile personality during our high school days. Even then, he had a more mature, sensible viewpoint than most people our age. I was often struggling with depression or some other high school drama, and was always able to turn to him for the best advice. Even in our adult lives, after I've worked my way to a greater balance, he was still one of my go-to advisers when I was really stuck about a problem.
Not surprisingly, he eventually married his female counterpart in our circle of friends, and they've had three great kids together. Most people seem to think their own kids are great, but theirs really are. Their kids are everything they are: intelligent, kind, and polite. I think it helped that Frowny was able to spend so much of their early years with them because his health problems kept him at home. It also made the kids mature beyond their years because they had to learn to be careful about certain things, lest they make Dad's health problems worse by accident.
Many of my best stories in life were shared with him: the time police falsely and hilariously accused us (and one other guy) of armed robbery, my first band's most decadent weekend ever, and my mom getting into the car with us and our girlfriends in front of my house one night. Unfortunately, the nature of all of those stories is that I won't be able to share them with his kids for several years yet.
I will be eternally grateful that I spent an afternoon in his company only a week and a half before he passed away. He seemed to be okay, maybe a little worn down, but I chalked it up to him just having a bad day. I certainly didn't expect that to be the last time I'd ever see him. I'm grateful to have had the privilege of his friendship. I've had to learn kindness (often from him), where kindness was his first instinct. He was very much the person I aspire to be in many ways, and I can't begin to say how much I'm going to miss him.
Wednesday, August 22, 2012
Functioning Clearly
I'm beginning to see why monks cut themselves off from everything as much as possible. I've been on vacation for the last week, and made sure that I did the things that had to get done as early on as possible, then did whatever else had to be done as it came up. Much less mental clutter that way, nothing nattering away in the back my mind, calling for my attention. I didn't manage to sustain the idea at 100%, but did much better than a working week, obviously. I was able to test drive a lot of interesting and useful ideas, and still get a lot done at home.
So I want to see if I can keep some of this in place when I return to work tomorrow. I want to try to take meditation breaks through the day, whether I think I have time or not, as they've helped me before. The idea is to focus on my physical state at the time rather than getting caught up in the events of the day, bringing me back to clarity, so to speak.
I also want to try to approach my to-dos at home in the same spirit, if I can, and see whether or not this helps my day-to-day functioning. I won't know how practical this is until I try it, and I've got to make sure I forgive myself when it slips and keep going, rather than giving up altogether. Here it goes!
So I want to see if I can keep some of this in place when I return to work tomorrow. I want to try to take meditation breaks through the day, whether I think I have time or not, as they've helped me before. The idea is to focus on my physical state at the time rather than getting caught up in the events of the day, bringing me back to clarity, so to speak.
I also want to try to approach my to-dos at home in the same spirit, if I can, and see whether or not this helps my day-to-day functioning. I won't know how practical this is until I try it, and I've got to make sure I forgive myself when it slips and keep going, rather than giving up altogether. Here it goes!
Wednesday, August 15, 2012
The Road from Charisma to Compassion
I've been through an interesting and productive sequence of books lately. Leading up to the first Jefferson Wheelchair show, I was looking for books that might help our showmanship, which led me to one called "Win the Crowd" by Steve Cohen, a professional magician. There were a number of useful techniques in there, but the better ones are going to require some practice. I've put enough of the more straightforward ideas into practice to know that those work. Might have more on that later, after I get to experiment with the more advanced ideas. Useful stuff here for people who present themselves in front of a group in any way. One of the more interesting things I learned was how a stage magician prepares in advance and pays an extraordinary level of attention to audience reactions in order to constantly stay one step ahead of them.
That book led me to "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane. Her premise is that charisma is not something people just have or don't have; charisma is a skill set that can be developed. She also theorizes that there are actually four distinct types of charisma, each involving a different balance of that skill set. Again, the more basic techniques have shown some promise, and I have some experimenting to do with the more advanced ones. In particular, I've tried slowing my speech and dropping the pitch of my voice at work to convey greater authority, with some success. I've tended to speak rapidly in my work out of necessity, because I have a lot of information to convey and very tight time frames, but I thought it might actually save me time if I came across as someone you didn't argue with. The experiment worked, for the most part. I have some refining to do. A key idea again in this book is mindfulness. A charismatic person is not distracted, and she presents several specific techniques to help you reduce or eliminate distractions from your mind.
From there I moved on to "Self-Compassion" by Kristin Neff. The link here is far less obvious. Losing my temper at work has been an ongoing problem for me, though I've gotten better over the last few years because I've been working so hard on it. It's hard for people who know me elsewhere to imagine me showing anger, never mind having a constant problem with it. All I can say is that there are things in my work environment that really push my buttons, and I'm coping with that as best I can.
The common link with the other books is an emphasis on mindfulness, on observing what is going on in your own head before it becomes a problem. Without getting too far into the psychology behind it, when I start feeling overwhelmed in the workplace, there's a lot of vicious self-talk in my head that sends me into a fight-or-flight response. Not good, because it actually restricts blood flow in the brain and makes it harder to think, just when you really need presence of mind. One possible solution is to use mindfulness to become aware of it before it gets out of control, and ease up on myself internally before I actually lose my temper at an external target. I haven't had enough pressure at work in the last week or so to test this any more than superficially, but it shows promise. It also dovetails nicely with my meditation and spiritual practice, as well as some of the charisma techniques from the first two books. I may be learning these techniques with different goals in mind, but why not put it all to work across the board to make my life better?
That book led me to "The Charisma Myth" by Olivia Fox Cabane. Her premise is that charisma is not something people just have or don't have; charisma is a skill set that can be developed. She also theorizes that there are actually four distinct types of charisma, each involving a different balance of that skill set. Again, the more basic techniques have shown some promise, and I have some experimenting to do with the more advanced ones. In particular, I've tried slowing my speech and dropping the pitch of my voice at work to convey greater authority, with some success. I've tended to speak rapidly in my work out of necessity, because I have a lot of information to convey and very tight time frames, but I thought it might actually save me time if I came across as someone you didn't argue with. The experiment worked, for the most part. I have some refining to do. A key idea again in this book is mindfulness. A charismatic person is not distracted, and she presents several specific techniques to help you reduce or eliminate distractions from your mind.
From there I moved on to "Self-Compassion" by Kristin Neff. The link here is far less obvious. Losing my temper at work has been an ongoing problem for me, though I've gotten better over the last few years because I've been working so hard on it. It's hard for people who know me elsewhere to imagine me showing anger, never mind having a constant problem with it. All I can say is that there are things in my work environment that really push my buttons, and I'm coping with that as best I can.
The common link with the other books is an emphasis on mindfulness, on observing what is going on in your own head before it becomes a problem. Without getting too far into the psychology behind it, when I start feeling overwhelmed in the workplace, there's a lot of vicious self-talk in my head that sends me into a fight-or-flight response. Not good, because it actually restricts blood flow in the brain and makes it harder to think, just when you really need presence of mind. One possible solution is to use mindfulness to become aware of it before it gets out of control, and ease up on myself internally before I actually lose my temper at an external target. I haven't had enough pressure at work in the last week or so to test this any more than superficially, but it shows promise. It also dovetails nicely with my meditation and spiritual practice, as well as some of the charisma techniques from the first two books. I may be learning these techniques with different goals in mind, but why not put it all to work across the board to make my life better?
Saturday, July 07, 2012
Ego and the Pillar
At the first JW performance, I found myself receiving a reminder of where I stand in the group. Most musicians don't pay much attention to bass players, and even fewer audience members do, but try listening to a band without one. It's an old argument I won't rehash here. I haven't historically stayed long in bands that just wanted a bass player to fill a certain sonic space and not do much else. The way I see it, any bassist could fill that role in one of those bands, and I'm not interested in playing with musicians who aren't capable of understanding what the bass player really brings to the table. I've usually contributed additionally in some way as well, whether it was vocally, in terms of additional equipment, or in terms of band leadership.
JW has most of that territory well covered, which is a Good Thing as a general rule, and they do recognize the value of the bassist. Andy has spent most of his time in bands as one, and everybody has made it known from time to time that they're glad to have me in the group. Even though I don't sing any lead with this band, I saw myself as one of the vocal contributors as well as an instrumentalist who contributes as much as anyone else. It might not seem like much to sing backing parts, but there's a huge difference between a band with one good lead singer and a couple of decent back-ups and a band that simply has one good lead singer. I've also traditionally been one of the more visual performers in any band I've been with.
So the layout of the stage happened to include a pillar at an inconvenient spot. Not the first time I've run into that. Long story short, I found myself placed mostly behind the pillar, virtually invisible to half the audience. Yes, it just happened to be where I usually am in the standard set-up, but if it had happened to be the lead singer or lead guitarist in that position, I'm sure we would have shifted the set-up somehow.
I was amused at my own mildly-annoyed gut reaction to this. My ego was bruised, even though I didn't put up much of an argument, because there was no better way to position ourselves on that stage. My wireless rig allowed me to make myself more visible if I really wanted to be. It was more about seeing clearly how the others in the band see me, which is as a secondary, supporting performer. True enough, that's what I am, but being stuck behind a pillar didn't make me feel any better about that. I'll have to deal with it, because we hope to play there in the future.
So once again, I consider my role in this band, and decide that this is where I want to be. We sound good collectively, and if my role appears small to the public, so be it. It matters a good deal less now that it would have when I was twenty, or even thirty. And yet the fact that it bothered me at all tells me that I still have some ego to deal with, and that that is part of what I'm doing playing in public again.
The visual presentation is another aspect of this band that we'll have to work out over time. Everybody likes to move around on stage, which is fantastic! We just need to find a way to make all of those moving parts into one coherent whole.
JW has most of that territory well covered, which is a Good Thing as a general rule, and they do recognize the value of the bassist. Andy has spent most of his time in bands as one, and everybody has made it known from time to time that they're glad to have me in the group. Even though I don't sing any lead with this band, I saw myself as one of the vocal contributors as well as an instrumentalist who contributes as much as anyone else. It might not seem like much to sing backing parts, but there's a huge difference between a band with one good lead singer and a couple of decent back-ups and a band that simply has one good lead singer. I've also traditionally been one of the more visual performers in any band I've been with.
So the layout of the stage happened to include a pillar at an inconvenient spot. Not the first time I've run into that. Long story short, I found myself placed mostly behind the pillar, virtually invisible to half the audience. Yes, it just happened to be where I usually am in the standard set-up, but if it had happened to be the lead singer or lead guitarist in that position, I'm sure we would have shifted the set-up somehow.
I was amused at my own mildly-annoyed gut reaction to this. My ego was bruised, even though I didn't put up much of an argument, because there was no better way to position ourselves on that stage. My wireless rig allowed me to make myself more visible if I really wanted to be. It was more about seeing clearly how the others in the band see me, which is as a secondary, supporting performer. True enough, that's what I am, but being stuck behind a pillar didn't make me feel any better about that. I'll have to deal with it, because we hope to play there in the future.
So once again, I consider my role in this band, and decide that this is where I want to be. We sound good collectively, and if my role appears small to the public, so be it. It matters a good deal less now that it would have when I was twenty, or even thirty. And yet the fact that it bothered me at all tells me that I still have some ego to deal with, and that that is part of what I'm doing playing in public again.
The visual presentation is another aspect of this band that we'll have to work out over time. Everybody likes to move around on stage, which is fantastic! We just need to find a way to make all of those moving parts into one coherent whole.
Thursday, September 08, 2011
Cycling Through Mistakes
Sometimes you have to make the same mistake multiple times before you figure things out. I've gone through a couple of cycles of one particularly stupid mistake since February or so. Not constantly, but once every couple of weeks or months.
It all starts with sleep, or lack thereof. Because I didn't get enough sleep, I cut out my morning meditation and/or yoga because I need the sleep more. Because I cut out my morning meditation and/or yoga, I don't feel as emotionally balanced, and I make foolish mistakes. Then I either can't sleep because I'm thinking about those foolish mistakes, or the foolish mistake is just deciding to stay up later to get something done, causing me to repeat the cycle. Stupid, I know, but for some reason, it's very easy for me to fall into this particular trap. And the cure for the cycle is simply to get enough sleep to return to my routine.
So, note to self: get enough sleep (or return to getting enough sleep ASAP, if something messes up my sleep cycle) and maintain my routine to stay mentally/emotionally centered!
It all starts with sleep, or lack thereof. Because I didn't get enough sleep, I cut out my morning meditation and/or yoga because I need the sleep more. Because I cut out my morning meditation and/or yoga, I don't feel as emotionally balanced, and I make foolish mistakes. Then I either can't sleep because I'm thinking about those foolish mistakes, or the foolish mistake is just deciding to stay up later to get something done, causing me to repeat the cycle. Stupid, I know, but for some reason, it's very easy for me to fall into this particular trap. And the cure for the cycle is simply to get enough sleep to return to my routine.
So, note to self: get enough sleep (or return to getting enough sleep ASAP, if something messes up my sleep cycle) and maintain my routine to stay mentally/emotionally centered!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Changing My Relationship with Anger
With all of the coughing, I couldn't really do any yoga or meditation while I was sick, which has really thrown me off. I'm back in the habits now, but it didn't take long for my back pain to return (giving me trouble sleeping here and there again). It'll get better, but it'll take time, of course.
I had a strange incident occur while I was sick, in which I was out searching for a medication that had helped us, but we had only enough to find that out, and no more. The search was ultimately futile. During the search, I was feeling miserable and frustrated at every turn, and as a consequence easily angered. It was almost like an out of body experience, where I was furiously and unreasonably angry at everything at the same time I was observing myself and thinking that the person I was watching was acting like a madman. Very strange.
A week or two later I was feeling better, but apparently still having anger issues beneath the surface. I had a dream where I was called in to work for some entirely unreasonable purpose. I actually had to write some kind of report and deliver it to higher-ups at a nearby hotel where a lot of co-workers were also working. This bears no resemblance whatsoever to what I actually do at work. So in the dream, I made the delivery as requested, but made it very obvious exactly how displeased I was at having to do it, doing things like walking directly over tables where management had meetings in progress, delivering the report, then stalking back out in the same mode as I'd entered in spite of the horrified reactions around me.
I'm not at all sure what that meant. Things are actually going relatively well with my job right now, though my wife is having a tough time of it. Maybe I'm getting angry that things are so difficult for her and there is very little I can do except be sympathetic.
There was also an incident where I was angered in a social situation, which isn't worth the telling. I stayed in relative control, but I could tell that the anger I was experiencing was disproportionate to the reason for it.
Most of this happened after I returned to my meditation practice after I recovered from being sick. I think I managed to tap into something that I need to address. I think I'm still carrying a lot of anger around from experiences in my childhood that I'm not going to talk about here, and when I get angry about something in the present, that older anger wells up as well and expands the current anger to disproportionate levels. Useful to know, but what do I do about it? The past is the past.
I also catch myself getting angry about the motives of others, which makes no sense at all, since there is nothing I can do about that. It's interesting to note, though. I really need to work on skillful handling of situations as they arise, thinking of the other person's motives as just another factor to be taken into account, and not reacting emotionally. Easier said than done, though.
I had a strange incident occur while I was sick, in which I was out searching for a medication that had helped us, but we had only enough to find that out, and no more. The search was ultimately futile. During the search, I was feeling miserable and frustrated at every turn, and as a consequence easily angered. It was almost like an out of body experience, where I was furiously and unreasonably angry at everything at the same time I was observing myself and thinking that the person I was watching was acting like a madman. Very strange.
A week or two later I was feeling better, but apparently still having anger issues beneath the surface. I had a dream where I was called in to work for some entirely unreasonable purpose. I actually had to write some kind of report and deliver it to higher-ups at a nearby hotel where a lot of co-workers were also working. This bears no resemblance whatsoever to what I actually do at work. So in the dream, I made the delivery as requested, but made it very obvious exactly how displeased I was at having to do it, doing things like walking directly over tables where management had meetings in progress, delivering the report, then stalking back out in the same mode as I'd entered in spite of the horrified reactions around me.
I'm not at all sure what that meant. Things are actually going relatively well with my job right now, though my wife is having a tough time of it. Maybe I'm getting angry that things are so difficult for her and there is very little I can do except be sympathetic.
There was also an incident where I was angered in a social situation, which isn't worth the telling. I stayed in relative control, but I could tell that the anger I was experiencing was disproportionate to the reason for it.
Most of this happened after I returned to my meditation practice after I recovered from being sick. I think I managed to tap into something that I need to address. I think I'm still carrying a lot of anger around from experiences in my childhood that I'm not going to talk about here, and when I get angry about something in the present, that older anger wells up as well and expands the current anger to disproportionate levels. Useful to know, but what do I do about it? The past is the past.
I also catch myself getting angry about the motives of others, which makes no sense at all, since there is nothing I can do about that. It's interesting to note, though. I really need to work on skillful handling of situations as they arise, thinking of the other person's motives as just another factor to be taken into account, and not reacting emotionally. Easier said than done, though.
Sunday, October 03, 2010
Definitely Refocused, and a Nasal Revolution
I started using a new combination of allergy meds the other week after doing a lot of research. I suppose I got tired of being functional without really feeling clear, and wanted to try to do better. I don't remember a week ever when I've felt as clear as I have this past week. It hasn't been without problems (not worth getting into), but I'm really onto something here.
I've been keeping up my meditation/yoga schedule consistently and revising my musical practice to work more on developing technique than learning songs. I've reached a plateau musically and was getting bored.
I've also figured out a metabolic problem that was contributing to my being short-tempered in the afternoons at work. Between solving that problem, breathing more easily, having a more reasonable workload, and keeping my meditation/yoga practice consistent, I've been very easy to get along with lately!
I've been keeping up my meditation/yoga schedule consistently and revising my musical practice to work more on developing technique than learning songs. I've reached a plateau musically and was getting bored.
I've also figured out a metabolic problem that was contributing to my being short-tempered in the afternoons at work. Between solving that problem, breathing more easily, having a more reasonable workload, and keeping my meditation/yoga practice consistent, I've been very easy to get along with lately!
Saturday, September 11, 2010
Meditation and Refocus
I was slacking for a while on meditation and yoga, and started to feel the difference, so I got back on top of both over the last week or so. The really positive aspect to that is I'm feeling much better, much more aware of what to do and how to do it from here.
Re: music. Sal (one of our guitar players) taped parts of the last session. Listening to the recordings showed me that, in spite of a lot of practice over the last year and a half, my singing hasn't improved very much. I've gained a little skill, but I'm still limited by the voice nature gave me, and that's a fair voice at best. Nick (another one of the guitar players) sounds better on the recording in some respects, even with his lack of experience. I'm better at knowing what to do; he sounds better doing it. Not that I ever claimed to be lead singer material, but I was hoping I'd improved more than I did.
This reminds me that I'd be best off getting back to my customary role focusing on bass and backing vocals. I'm a good instrumentalist and only a workable (if experienced) singer, so I'm going to have to operate accordingly. And unfortunately that's not what the group I have needs from me. Sal, Jason and I are getting together to play tomorrow, and all concerned have some issues to discuss, so we'll see what comes out of that.
Re: roleplaying. The urge to write roleplaying material is creeping back, specifically to write the Lovecraftian GURPS Cabal convention scenario I've been meaning to get back to. I'll make some notes. The home GURPS Cabal campaign is going well, and I think that helps.
I'm still having something of a creative identity crisis, but if it's about getting my proportions right, I'm working my way through it.
Re: music. Sal (one of our guitar players) taped parts of the last session. Listening to the recordings showed me that, in spite of a lot of practice over the last year and a half, my singing hasn't improved very much. I've gained a little skill, but I'm still limited by the voice nature gave me, and that's a fair voice at best. Nick (another one of the guitar players) sounds better on the recording in some respects, even with his lack of experience. I'm better at knowing what to do; he sounds better doing it. Not that I ever claimed to be lead singer material, but I was hoping I'd improved more than I did.
This reminds me that I'd be best off getting back to my customary role focusing on bass and backing vocals. I'm a good instrumentalist and only a workable (if experienced) singer, so I'm going to have to operate accordingly. And unfortunately that's not what the group I have needs from me. Sal, Jason and I are getting together to play tomorrow, and all concerned have some issues to discuss, so we'll see what comes out of that.
Re: roleplaying. The urge to write roleplaying material is creeping back, specifically to write the Lovecraftian GURPS Cabal convention scenario I've been meaning to get back to. I'll make some notes. The home GURPS Cabal campaign is going well, and I think that helps.
I'm still having something of a creative identity crisis, but if it's about getting my proportions right, I'm working my way through it.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Balance Issues
It's been a tricky month or so. Bad Stuff, including computer problems and my job reverting to some extent to the Bad Old Days, and Good Stuff, including a new car and getting very excited about how the music project has developed over the last couple of sessions.
The interesting thing has been watching what has pushed my buttons and thrown off my balance during that time frame, and it seems Good Stuff is just as bad as Bad Stuff that way. I've learned a few things, at some cost, and time will tell if I can keep my equilibrium a little better going forward.
The interesting thing has been watching what has pushed my buttons and thrown off my balance during that time frame, and it seems Good Stuff is just as bad as Bad Stuff that way. I've learned a few things, at some cost, and time will tell if I can keep my equilibrium a little better going forward.
Sunday, May 09, 2010
Chanting
My yoga teacher hosts a group meditation session once a month, and this month we tried chanting, which was something new for me. We were accompanied on the harmonium, a sort of cross between an organ and an accordion, played by one of the participants.
I felt a little odd about it at first, then became more comfortable as I settled into what was essentially musical performance in an extremely unfamiliar genre. We had three men and three women, so it was a good mix of voices. I kept feeling the urge to play an instrument, since I rarely sing without one unless I'm driving. After we were done, it was very easy to settle into our usual meditation. I might have to experiment with something like this at home. All in all, a very positive experience, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'll bet it gave my teacher's neighbors something to talk about, though, since we had the windows open and I'm sure we were clearly audible for some distance.
I felt a little odd about it at first, then became more comfortable as I settled into what was essentially musical performance in an extremely unfamiliar genre. We had three men and three women, so it was a good mix of voices. I kept feeling the urge to play an instrument, since I rarely sing without one unless I'm driving. After we were done, it was very easy to settle into our usual meditation. I might have to experiment with something like this at home. All in all, a very positive experience, and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. I'll bet it gave my teacher's neighbors something to talk about, though, since we had the windows open and I'm sure we were clearly audible for some distance.
Sunday, April 04, 2010
Working on Long Term Back Pain
I've had an ongoing problem with back pain ever since a stupidly self-inflicted injury in my late teen years. The result was that I was taking some serious pain killers for about six months, and still have trouble sleeping through an entire night many years later. That may be coming to an end, though.
Several weeks back, I happened to be the only person who showed up for my yoga class. It's not a big class in the first place, and everybody else just ended up with something last minute happening. Rather than cancel, my teacher asked me if I was having trouble with anything specific, and I told her I had regular problems with back pain. She took me through a couple of poses to go after that problem in particular. At the time, I wasn't convinced that had been a good thing, because I had this nasty burning in my lower back by the end. I told my teacher that, and her response was that we'd probably really gotten into something that had been there for a while.
My back was then as bad as it's been since the original injury for about three days. I wasn't happy and was barely getting any sleep, but I also didn't call my teacher for help, in spite of my wife encouraging me to do so. I talked to her about it at my next class, and she suggested a couple of other poses I could work into my usual daily practice.
Here's the interesting part. After a couple of weeks of incorporating those other poses into my regular practice, I found myself walking and sitting differently, and sleeping through entire nights for the first time in ages. I had gotten rid of long term neck and shoulder pain after about two years of yoga, and this experience has turned out to be similar, though the process has been more subtle. It hasn't been a 100% solution, but I wouldn't expect one so quickly anyway. It'll be interesting to see if it turns out to be like the neck/shoulder problem, which has virtually disappeared over time except for occasional flare-ups due to stress.
Several weeks back, I happened to be the only person who showed up for my yoga class. It's not a big class in the first place, and everybody else just ended up with something last minute happening. Rather than cancel, my teacher asked me if I was having trouble with anything specific, and I told her I had regular problems with back pain. She took me through a couple of poses to go after that problem in particular. At the time, I wasn't convinced that had been a good thing, because I had this nasty burning in my lower back by the end. I told my teacher that, and her response was that we'd probably really gotten into something that had been there for a while.
My back was then as bad as it's been since the original injury for about three days. I wasn't happy and was barely getting any sleep, but I also didn't call my teacher for help, in spite of my wife encouraging me to do so. I talked to her about it at my next class, and she suggested a couple of other poses I could work into my usual daily practice.
Here's the interesting part. After a couple of weeks of incorporating those other poses into my regular practice, I found myself walking and sitting differently, and sleeping through entire nights for the first time in ages. I had gotten rid of long term neck and shoulder pain after about two years of yoga, and this experience has turned out to be similar, though the process has been more subtle. It hasn't been a 100% solution, but I wouldn't expect one so quickly anyway. It'll be interesting to see if it turns out to be like the neck/shoulder problem, which has virtually disappeared over time except for occasional flare-ups due to stress.
Monday, January 18, 2010
Plant the Seed
I was speaking with a friend at work today about a person who was trying to exaggerate a claim well beyond the point of fraud and didn't see anything wrong with it. We'd caught her, obviously, so she wasn't going to get away with it. I'd become very frustrated with the claimant and lost patience. My friend said that she was planning on having a conversation with her in which she didn't expect the claimant to fully understand that what she was doing was wrong; she hoped only to "plant the seed" for her to eventually realize it in her own time.
This struck me as a remarkably intelligent idea. Even if you can't convince someone that they are making a mistake or behaving badly at a point in time, you can make sure that you say something that might stay with them long enough for them to learn from the mistake later, after they've repeated it a few times (which most of us tend to do before we learn).
I've often gotten frustrated with people who clearly didn't want to listen to what I was saying and just gave up after a while. Thinking this through, maybe I'm not wasting my time if I can figure out how to at least plant that seed and benefit that person later, if not now.
This struck me as a remarkably intelligent idea. Even if you can't convince someone that they are making a mistake or behaving badly at a point in time, you can make sure that you say something that might stay with them long enough for them to learn from the mistake later, after they've repeated it a few times (which most of us tend to do before we learn).
I've often gotten frustrated with people who clearly didn't want to listen to what I was saying and just gave up after a while. Thinking this through, maybe I'm not wasting my time if I can figure out how to at least plant that seed and benefit that person later, if not now.
Saturday, October 03, 2009
Stressbuster
I think I've found the stressbuster I've been looking for. I haven't taken breaks at work in many years, but I've started doing ten minute mini-meditation sessions mid-morning and mid-afternoon, whether I feel like I need it or not, and it's really working for me. I've found that even if I feel fine, there's almost always a certain amount of stress lurking in the wings that I can find and eliminate before it builds to the point of being an issue.
Meditation in general continues to work for me. I feel generally sharper and calmer than I ever have. There have been some interesting side effects, too. I've always carried my tension in my neck, and now that I'm dealing better with stress, I can feel a significant difference there. It also seems to have helped my singing voice, which came as a pleasant surprise, but it makes sense. Less tension in the body makes it a better instrument.
Now if I could find a solution to the problem of there not being enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do, I'd really be set.
Meditation in general continues to work for me. I feel generally sharper and calmer than I ever have. There have been some interesting side effects, too. I've always carried my tension in my neck, and now that I'm dealing better with stress, I can feel a significant difference there. It also seems to have helped my singing voice, which came as a pleasant surprise, but it makes sense. Less tension in the body makes it a better instrument.
Now if I could find a solution to the problem of there not being enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do, I'd really be set.
Saturday, August 01, 2009
The Happiest Man in the World
I wouldn't have expected something like this to be measurable, but apparently some scientists have given it a pretty good try, and the best results were from a Buddhist monk named Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche.
An organization called the Mind and Life Institute worked with Richard Davidson, the director of the Weisman Laboratory for Brain Imaging and Behavior at the University of Wisconsin. The bottom line result is that people who had spent a lot of time meditating (they compare it to the amount of a time an Olympic athlete puts into training for the Olympics) showed much greater activity in the parts of the brain associated with happiness than the average person, showing as much as 700 to 800 percent more activity. And our boy Yongey was the champion of the bunch, standing out significantly even from the other champion meditators.
The good news for more mainstream folks is that even beginning meditators showed a 10 to 15 percent improvement over average people, so you don't have to devote your life to it to feel results.
So now I'm reading Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche's book, "The Joy of Living". It's interesting stuff, drawing from both Buddhist training and science. His father was a scientist and had a lot of friends who were significant figures in the world scientific community while he was growing up, and they were more than willing to talk with him about science, so he learned everything he could from them. His main point is that the more he learns about science, the more he feels it validates spiritual ideas that have been around for thousands of years.
The most significant application for me has been his detailed descriptions of various meditation techniques, which I've been putting to use. It's far too soon to expect results of any kind, but I don't think I'll ever be bored again. There's too much available to do with a human mind, even in an empty room with nothing in particular to do outwardly. Maybe in a year or two I can honestly claim some of that 10-15% improvement in my mental well being.
An organization called the Mind and Life Institute worked with Richard Davidson, the director of the Weisman Laboratory for Brain Imaging and Behavior at the University of Wisconsin. The bottom line result is that people who had spent a lot of time meditating (they compare it to the amount of a time an Olympic athlete puts into training for the Olympics) showed much greater activity in the parts of the brain associated with happiness than the average person, showing as much as 700 to 800 percent more activity. And our boy Yongey was the champion of the bunch, standing out significantly even from the other champion meditators.
The good news for more mainstream folks is that even beginning meditators showed a 10 to 15 percent improvement over average people, so you don't have to devote your life to it to feel results.
So now I'm reading Yongey Mingyur Rinpoche's book, "The Joy of Living". It's interesting stuff, drawing from both Buddhist training and science. His father was a scientist and had a lot of friends who were significant figures in the world scientific community while he was growing up, and they were more than willing to talk with him about science, so he learned everything he could from them. His main point is that the more he learns about science, the more he feels it validates spiritual ideas that have been around for thousands of years.
The most significant application for me has been his detailed descriptions of various meditation techniques, which I've been putting to use. It's far too soon to expect results of any kind, but I don't think I'll ever be bored again. There's too much available to do with a human mind, even in an empty room with nothing in particular to do outwardly. Maybe in a year or two I can honestly claim some of that 10-15% improvement in my mental well being.
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
Spiky Bits of Ego
A funny realization came to me this morning regarding why I was so especially frustrated about the band reunion not involving any actual playing and the idea of playing music at the picnic falling apart. I'm still correct in saying that I don't need an audience of strangers (though it would be fun to perform once in a while). However, part of me wants to show the old friends I've previously played music with that I've gotten a lot better over the last year or so. On some level, I still see myself as the junior partner I was when I was starting out and still have something to prove to people who know me from that time period. I suppose there's a part of all of us that just never entirely grows up and continues to color our choices in life.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
Michael Jackson
The first album I ever bought was the Jackson 5's greatest hits. I remain a huge fan of old Motown material, and the early Jackson 5 records were a significant part of that. As for Michael solo, I liked "Off the Wall" and "Thriller", then almost entirely lost interest. It's probably not cool for a rock musician like myself to admit to this, but good is good, and whatever you thought of him or his music, Michael Jackson was obviously an incredibly talented guy with enormous impact on the music world.
And then he became the poster child for celebrity weirdness. When history looks back at our culture from this time, I'm sure the excesses of top-earning musicians will be one of the quirks that leaves future people wondering how the heck some of this stuff ever happened. The obvious question is why somebody didn't say something to these people before they went too far over the top, and the equally obvious answer is that nobody wanted to get shoved off the gravy train while there was so much money being made. I think we're going to see fewer musicians like this now that money in the music industry is being distributed more broadly.
At the end of the day, I feel really bad for these people who have everything and yet have nothing. I have to wonder why more of them don't reach a point where they realize that what they have isn't making them happy and bring those amazing material resources to bear in ways that might actually help them. George Harrison, for example, seemed to reach a point where he understood the limits of material success and started looking for something more. Michael Jackson's religious beliefs ultimately didn't seem to be helpful to him. Maybe it's just not in the nature of some people to look further, even when they're unhappy, while others just haven't found the belief set that works for them in time to save them.
And then he became the poster child for celebrity weirdness. When history looks back at our culture from this time, I'm sure the excesses of top-earning musicians will be one of the quirks that leaves future people wondering how the heck some of this stuff ever happened. The obvious question is why somebody didn't say something to these people before they went too far over the top, and the equally obvious answer is that nobody wanted to get shoved off the gravy train while there was so much money being made. I think we're going to see fewer musicians like this now that money in the music industry is being distributed more broadly.
At the end of the day, I feel really bad for these people who have everything and yet have nothing. I have to wonder why more of them don't reach a point where they realize that what they have isn't making them happy and bring those amazing material resources to bear in ways that might actually help them. George Harrison, for example, seemed to reach a point where he understood the limits of material success and started looking for something more. Michael Jackson's religious beliefs ultimately didn't seem to be helpful to him. Maybe it's just not in the nature of some people to look further, even when they're unhappy, while others just haven't found the belief set that works for them in time to save them.
Monday, June 22, 2009
If You Meet the Buddha on the Road, Maybe a Friend Will Kill Him For You
I was thinking about the "Ghost of Bands Past" entry and realizing how my unenthusiastic ex-bandmate may have done me a large (if accidental) favor. That particular band looms large in my history. It was an odd circumstance, being a very inexperienced musician in a very good band. I couldn't have accomplished everything I did later without that experience, and yet I couldn't have accomplished what I did later if that band had remained together because I wouldn't have had as much opportunity to improve individually. I've always suspected that at least part of the reason for my musical retirement was that once I'd put together a band of my own that I thought was in that same league, it felt as though I'd come full circle and proven myself. There was no need to go any further, and the few things I did after that felt like a coda.
In the big picture, it doesn't matter which was the best band I was ever in, or if that last band was as good as the first. The only band that matters at any given time is the one I'm in right now, and there was never really any point in comparing them. It was a trap I'd created for myself, and now I'm free of it, but can't take 100% credit for that. It's true enough that I'd gotten at least partially past the need to impress an audience (or even have an audience at all) on my own, but it took this last gathering to show me the degree to which I was still caught up in that past.
And now enough of all that. Where are the right musicians to play with (and especially somebody to sing with) now that I'm in the mood again?
In the big picture, it doesn't matter which was the best band I was ever in, or if that last band was as good as the first. The only band that matters at any given time is the one I'm in right now, and there was never really any point in comparing them. It was a trap I'd created for myself, and now I'm free of it, but can't take 100% credit for that. It's true enough that I'd gotten at least partially past the need to impress an audience (or even have an audience at all) on my own, but it took this last gathering to show me the degree to which I was still caught up in that past.
And now enough of all that. Where are the right musicians to play with (and especially somebody to sing with) now that I'm in the mood again?
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Ghost of Bands Past
I went to a reunion today of the first band I was ever in, formed about thirty years ago. I'd been looking forward to it for some time, but was trying to keep my expectations low for several reasons. The band lasted for four years, with three of us as members the entire time, plus our drummer. The original drummer was with us for the first three years, then a second drummer lasted only three months, then our third drummer stayed until the end. Long story short, none of the drummers would have been able or likely to attend, and a couple of people associated strongly with the band (but not members) declined to come, so the reunion really consisted of the core three band members, plus our original sound man, plus wives and kids.
At one time we were the very best of friends. We spent a lot of time together, made some good music, and had a loyal and reasonably large following. At one point toward the end, we played the same place for three weekends (Friday and Saturday nights) out of four and packed the place every night except the last. Even that last night was relatively full. Combinations of two of the three of us even went on to play in other bands together after that. I realized that we might not always be in a band together, or even be close friends, but I thought we'd always be at least on good terms and see each other once in a while. However, things change, of course. We all got married, and two of the three of us had children. We all ended up with good jobs that occupy a substantial chunk of our time. Even that didn't have to prevent us from getting together if we really wanted to, but in the end, some of us just didn't want to get together as much as others.
This has more impact on me now than it might otherwise have had, since I'm getting back into playing music. The last time we got together was at a mutual friend's wedding five years ago, and there wasn't really any opportunity to play music together at that time. I'm not sure how long ago the time before that was, but we met at one guy's home, went through some old photos and had a few (well, more than a few) beers and actually did play some music. It was quite rough, as I hadn't played at all for at least a few years at that point, and one of the others hadn't played much in at least five years, but we had a fantastic time of it, to the point where we continued on long enough to irritate some of the wives.
I was more than ready to go this time, and the guy hosting had also said he was more than willing to play. However, the third member, the most talented of us all, turned out to also be the least willing. When we'd last played, he was still at least playing for his own pleasure, if not for audiences. He doesn't even do that any more. He still plays just a little bit of piano now and then, but leaves it for his kids to play most of the time, and hasn't played guitar or done any singing at all in nearly twenty years. I was hoping that he could be persuaded to play at least two or three songs for old times' sake, but was prepared to be disappointed, and as it turns out, I was.
I'd brought my acoustic bass guitar and electric five string bass and left them out in the car, reasoning that I wanted them within reach if there was an opportunity to play but not wanting to force the issue if nobody was interested. I could tell that our host wanted to play, as he brought his acoustic guitar out to play along with the kids while they played the video game Rock Band. However, I'm sure he didn't want to push the issue with our reticent third member. We even played some tapes of the old band, and while they weren't our finest work, I thought they might prime the pump. If anything, I thought it might encourage us to show that we could, in fact, do a whole lot better than that. But it was not to be. He made it pretty clear that he was done with it, and even seemed a bit embarrassed by it all, even down to the old in-jokes that are inevitably part of a tight-knit group like that.
I'd hoped to rekindle the personal chemistry between the three of us (if not the music itself) for just one day, but it couldn't be more obvious to me that that time is well and truly over. We're different people now, and the reasons for that don't really matter. Change is inevitable, and I didn't really expect to be able to make it as it once was. I just thought there might still be some spark left that would be worth enjoying for a few hours (I thought that was the point in a reunion), but it's clear that that spark is entirely gone.
I have mixed feelings about this. It's incredibly sad to see that chemistry, once so vital, reduced to nothing. And yet it's liberating. I didn't want to get back into music just to play the old songs again. Once upon a time it would've been my fondest wish to play those particular songs with those particular people again, but things have changed, and it's time to well and truly move on. I might still be able to enjoy getting together with the one old friend at some point, though his schedule makes that difficult, but the ghost of the original band was laid to rest today for me.
At one time we were the very best of friends. We spent a lot of time together, made some good music, and had a loyal and reasonably large following. At one point toward the end, we played the same place for three weekends (Friday and Saturday nights) out of four and packed the place every night except the last. Even that last night was relatively full. Combinations of two of the three of us even went on to play in other bands together after that. I realized that we might not always be in a band together, or even be close friends, but I thought we'd always be at least on good terms and see each other once in a while. However, things change, of course. We all got married, and two of the three of us had children. We all ended up with good jobs that occupy a substantial chunk of our time. Even that didn't have to prevent us from getting together if we really wanted to, but in the end, some of us just didn't want to get together as much as others.
This has more impact on me now than it might otherwise have had, since I'm getting back into playing music. The last time we got together was at a mutual friend's wedding five years ago, and there wasn't really any opportunity to play music together at that time. I'm not sure how long ago the time before that was, but we met at one guy's home, went through some old photos and had a few (well, more than a few) beers and actually did play some music. It was quite rough, as I hadn't played at all for at least a few years at that point, and one of the others hadn't played much in at least five years, but we had a fantastic time of it, to the point where we continued on long enough to irritate some of the wives.
I was more than ready to go this time, and the guy hosting had also said he was more than willing to play. However, the third member, the most talented of us all, turned out to also be the least willing. When we'd last played, he was still at least playing for his own pleasure, if not for audiences. He doesn't even do that any more. He still plays just a little bit of piano now and then, but leaves it for his kids to play most of the time, and hasn't played guitar or done any singing at all in nearly twenty years. I was hoping that he could be persuaded to play at least two or three songs for old times' sake, but was prepared to be disappointed, and as it turns out, I was.
I'd brought my acoustic bass guitar and electric five string bass and left them out in the car, reasoning that I wanted them within reach if there was an opportunity to play but not wanting to force the issue if nobody was interested. I could tell that our host wanted to play, as he brought his acoustic guitar out to play along with the kids while they played the video game Rock Band. However, I'm sure he didn't want to push the issue with our reticent third member. We even played some tapes of the old band, and while they weren't our finest work, I thought they might prime the pump. If anything, I thought it might encourage us to show that we could, in fact, do a whole lot better than that. But it was not to be. He made it pretty clear that he was done with it, and even seemed a bit embarrassed by it all, even down to the old in-jokes that are inevitably part of a tight-knit group like that.
I'd hoped to rekindle the personal chemistry between the three of us (if not the music itself) for just one day, but it couldn't be more obvious to me that that time is well and truly over. We're different people now, and the reasons for that don't really matter. Change is inevitable, and I didn't really expect to be able to make it as it once was. I just thought there might still be some spark left that would be worth enjoying for a few hours (I thought that was the point in a reunion), but it's clear that that spark is entirely gone.
I have mixed feelings about this. It's incredibly sad to see that chemistry, once so vital, reduced to nothing. And yet it's liberating. I didn't want to get back into music just to play the old songs again. Once upon a time it would've been my fondest wish to play those particular songs with those particular people again, but things have changed, and it's time to well and truly move on. I might still be able to enjoy getting together with the one old friend at some point, though his schedule makes that difficult, but the ghost of the original band was laid to rest today for me.
Saturday, May 09, 2009
Happy Vesak!
Today is Vesak, sometimes referred to as "Buddha Day". Among other practices, I'm going vegetarian for the day. I don't believe it's necessary to go 100% vegetarian to be Buddhist (though it's probably a very good idea), but I believe that the human body is built to be omnivorous and that it's probably a good idea to eat what we're structurally set up to eat. I'll also admit that I simply enjoy eating meat, though it may be that this is a weakness for me to overcome.
I was recently reading some articles about meditation, and this seems like a good time to comment on the subject. One question that came up more than once from non-meditators was regarding what exactly meditation is supposed to do for you. As I understand it, several well known authorities have answered that question with "nothing!". It's true that you're not supposed to do it with any expectations, which I think is the reason for that answer. If you do it with expectations, then you're not paying the correct sort of attention and will get nothing out of it, or you're likely to get something not-especially-useful out of it that was shaped by those expectations.
I'll attempt a more practical answer here by example, and it's an answer that some beginners are likely to encounter for themselves. I can always tell when I haven't been getting enough sleep by the way my daily meditation sessions go. It may be that I can function perfectly fine in every other respect, but when I haven't been getting enough sleep, my concentration during my meditation is noticably poor, and I sometimes even experience moments of nodding off just for a second. It's subtle, but it's enough to tell me I'm doing something wrong in my life, so I simply change what I'm doing and move on from there.
So, perfectly rested after having gotten enough sleep, I sit down the following morning to meditate, and other things come into my mind. I consider those thoughts and the meaning of them in the larger context, and notice other things about where I am in life, and hopefully I learn from those things as well. It might have to do with how I'm treating other people (and how they are responding to that), or another problem I'm experiencing with my body, or how I'm spending my time. It might be something less important, like the time a new approach to playing bass guitar came to mind. The point is that whatever issues you've successfully dealt with in your life, there is always something else there the next level down that you may not have noticed, and won't notice until you pay enough attention. And if you haven't dealt with whatever the issue is, it will keep causing trouble for you until you do deal with it.
It's nothing terribly metaphysical; it's just the practice of cultivating the ability to notice things, which is possibly the most useful ability of all. Others may see it differently, but that's what it is for me at this point.
I was recently reading some articles about meditation, and this seems like a good time to comment on the subject. One question that came up more than once from non-meditators was regarding what exactly meditation is supposed to do for you. As I understand it, several well known authorities have answered that question with "nothing!". It's true that you're not supposed to do it with any expectations, which I think is the reason for that answer. If you do it with expectations, then you're not paying the correct sort of attention and will get nothing out of it, or you're likely to get something not-especially-useful out of it that was shaped by those expectations.
I'll attempt a more practical answer here by example, and it's an answer that some beginners are likely to encounter for themselves. I can always tell when I haven't been getting enough sleep by the way my daily meditation sessions go. It may be that I can function perfectly fine in every other respect, but when I haven't been getting enough sleep, my concentration during my meditation is noticably poor, and I sometimes even experience moments of nodding off just for a second. It's subtle, but it's enough to tell me I'm doing something wrong in my life, so I simply change what I'm doing and move on from there.
So, perfectly rested after having gotten enough sleep, I sit down the following morning to meditate, and other things come into my mind. I consider those thoughts and the meaning of them in the larger context, and notice other things about where I am in life, and hopefully I learn from those things as well. It might have to do with how I'm treating other people (and how they are responding to that), or another problem I'm experiencing with my body, or how I'm spending my time. It might be something less important, like the time a new approach to playing bass guitar came to mind. The point is that whatever issues you've successfully dealt with in your life, there is always something else there the next level down that you may not have noticed, and won't notice until you pay enough attention. And if you haven't dealt with whatever the issue is, it will keep causing trouble for you until you do deal with it.
It's nothing terribly metaphysical; it's just the practice of cultivating the ability to notice things, which is possibly the most useful ability of all. Others may see it differently, but that's what it is for me at this point.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
