Ghost of Bands Past

I went to a reunion today of the first band I was ever in, formed about thirty years ago. I'd been looking forward to it for some time, but was trying to keep my expectations low for several reasons. The band lasted for four years, with three of us as members the entire time, plus our drummer. The original drummer was with us for the first three years, then a second drummer lasted only three months, then our third drummer stayed until the end. Long story short, none of the drummers would have been able or likely to attend, and a couple of people associated strongly with the band (but not members) declined to come, so the reunion really consisted of the core three band members, plus our original sound man, plus wives and kids.

At one time we were the very best of friends. We spent a lot of time together, made some good music, and had a loyal and reasonably large following. At one point toward the end, we played the same place for three weekends (Friday and Saturday nights) out of four and packed the place every night except the last. Even that last night was relatively full. Combinations of two of the three of us even went on to play in other bands together after that. I realized that we might not always be in a band together, or even be close friends, but I thought we'd always be at least on good terms and see each other once in a while. However, things change, of course. We all got married, and two of the three of us had children. We all ended up with good jobs that occupy a substantial chunk of our time. Even that didn't have to prevent us from getting together if we really wanted to, but in the end, some of us just didn't want to get together as much as others.

This has more impact on me now than it might otherwise have had, since I'm getting back into playing music. The last time we got together was at a mutual friend's wedding five years ago, and there wasn't really any opportunity to play music together at that time. I'm not sure how long ago the time before that was, but we met at one guy's home, went through some old photos and had a few (well, more than a few) beers and actually did play some music. It was quite rough, as I hadn't played at all for at least a few years at that point, and one of the others hadn't played much in at least five years, but we had a fantastic time of it, to the point where we continued on long enough to irritate some of the wives.

I was more than ready to go this time, and the guy hosting had also said he was more than willing to play. However, the third member, the most talented of us all, turned out to also be the least willing. When we'd last played, he was still at least playing for his own pleasure, if not for audiences. He doesn't even do that any more. He still plays just a little bit of piano now and then, but leaves it for his kids to play most of the time, and hasn't played guitar or done any singing at all in nearly twenty years. I was hoping that he could be persuaded to play at least two or three songs for old times' sake, but was prepared to be disappointed, and as it turns out, I was.

I'd brought my acoustic bass guitar and electric five string bass and left them out in the car, reasoning that I wanted them within reach if there was an opportunity to play but not wanting to force the issue if nobody was interested. I could tell that our host wanted to play, as he brought his acoustic guitar out to play along with the kids while they played the video game Rock Band. However, I'm sure he didn't want to push the issue with our reticent third member. We even played some tapes of the old band, and while they weren't our finest work, I thought they might prime the pump. If anything, I thought it might encourage us to show that we could, in fact, do a whole lot better than that. But it was not to be. He made it pretty clear that he was done with it, and even seemed a bit embarrassed by it all, even down to the old in-jokes that are inevitably part of a tight-knit group like that.

I'd hoped to rekindle the personal chemistry between the three of us (if not the music itself) for just one day, but it couldn't be more obvious to me that that time is well and truly over. We're different people now, and the reasons for that don't really matter. Change is inevitable, and I didn't really expect to be able to make it as it once was. I just thought there might still be some spark left that would be worth enjoying for a few hours (I thought that was the point in a reunion), but it's clear that that spark is entirely gone.

I have mixed feelings about this. It's incredibly sad to see that chemistry, once so vital, reduced to nothing. And yet it's liberating. I didn't want to get back into music just to play the old songs again. Once upon a time it would've been my fondest wish to play those particular songs with those particular people again, but things have changed, and it's time to well and truly move on. I might still be able to enjoy getting together with the one old friend at some point, though his schedule makes that difficult, but the ghost of the original band was laid to rest today for me.