Whatever Happened to "I Don't Need an Audience"?

I wrestled with this one a lot when I was deciding which band I was going to play with. The main reason to leave Splunge was so I could play out again, and the move wasn't without risk. It was entirely possible things wouldn't work out with the new band and I didn't feel as though going back would be a good idea if I left. Instinct told me it was time to move on, but I like to understand my own mental processes, and I didn't this time.

It took me the better part of a week to think it through. I truly don't need an audience, though it can be Big Fun when they're receptive. I don't have anything to prove to anyone, and I don't particularly need the money anymore (though it's nice to get paid). But I do like to have a goal. Without one, the work I put into songs feels empty somehow, like a waste of time, even though I do enjoy the process itself to a point. And with a goal, I know the standard I'm working to. There's a *reason* the performance has to be good. With Splunge, I was starting to get sloppy because I knew I didn't have to be any better than I already was and I couldn't challenge myself without making things even harder on the band members who were already struggling. What I needed to do in that situation was make others better, and I only had a certain amount of control over that. The choice came down to joining another band that required me to push myself, or to stay with a band that required me to push others so I could get to a point where I'd be pushing myself, making that band Not Fun for everyone else in the process.