When to Pull the Car Keys

This is a problem that most people have to face in some form, sooner or later. Dad (or Mom) is getting older, and you're not so sure it's safe for them to drive anymore. On one hand, you don't want to take away their dignity and independence, and you're certainly not crazy about taking on the task of driving them around wherever they need to go. On the other hand, you wouldn't want them to get injured (or injure somebody else) in a car accident because you didn't want to face the uncomfortable discussion regarding the fact that they can't drive as well as they once could and it's time to give it up. There's just no easy solution here.

My father-in-law is reaching the stage where this is becoming a question. He insists he's okay to drive, and we're not as sure. He's allowed us to do some driving for him here and there, under specific conditions and for specific reasons, but he continues to talk about when he'll be driving again. It's not as though his driving skills have evaporated overnight; it's just the usual slow deterioration we all face in the long run.

In my work as a claims adjuster, I see a disproportionate number of elderly and teen drivers in accidents. It's a fact of life. In some cases, the accident is the wake-up call that some of these elderly needed to show them that it's time to stop driving. In others, the elderly driver will argue with me about how they haven't had an accident in fifty years of driving, so damn it, this accident can't be their fault. One particular case I had recently was an elderly man who insisted that the teenage driver of the other car hadn't had her headlights on, because if she had, he would've seen her car and not pulled out in front of her from the stop sign. There were two independent witnesses and a police officer at the scene all saying that she did have her headlights on, and his response to that was that all of them clearly knew the teen driver and it was all a conspiracy against him. I'm not making this up; he was really in that much of a state of denial. The fact is, he simply didn't see her and made a mistake. You don't have to be elderly to make that mistake, but when your vision and reflexes aren't what they used to be, it's a lot more likely to happen.

I'd like to see mandatory driver's tests for the elderly, past a certain age. It's one thing for a son or daughter to have to explain to Dad or Mom that it's time to put away the car keys, and another thing entirely when the law says it's time. Too often, it takes an accident to decide the issue, and somebody gets hurt or killed. I realize that politicians are unlikely to take this stand, because they'd lose a lot of elderly votes by doing it, but I wish someone would do the right thing. I know it's easy enough for me to say this, as I'm nowhere near that age, and I'm going to be as reluctant as anyone to give up those keys and a measure of independence when the time comes, but I'd prefer it to being responsible for injuring or killing someone (or myself).